Five Signs that I'm Getting Older

I recently attended a college football game with my nephew and one of his friends. We parked the car and walked to his friends' fraternity house where there was a pre-game party. I'm about as anti-Fraternity as you can get. GDI (God Damn Independent) should be GDPTCTFT (God Dam Person That Can Think For Themselves) in my estimation. But the thing that I learned the most from the party?

I'm getting old.

No longer a hipster, I'm a poser. I'm now the thing I fear most. I'm becoming my father.

1. Turn Down That Music!

This is where I've been clinging on for dear life. I used to get the music magazines, look bands up online, and even bought CDs that were marginal because I thought I was going to hold on and not be that guy who says "That's not music, that's just noise!"

Then I heard Drake's "Over" for the first time and I had the sudden urge to tell kids to get off my lawn. I didn't get it. It was awful. I wasn't receiving what those darn kids were transmitting. I was crushed.

2. Waddya Mean Adult Contemporary?

I've always liked some of the Classic Rock acts, but my usual focus was on the here and now. This trend ended when I bought a James Taylor album and wasn't being ironic or planning on using it as a coaster. I turned 35 and I felt like drinking prune juice and eating at 4.

3. Mystery Pains.

I creak and pop like a stairwell in an haunted mansion. One day my back will ache and another day my knees will hurt... FOR NO REASON. I can identify where/when the pain comes from (lifting a box or shin splints) but some of it is just puzzling.

4. Loss of Icons

I remember growing up with Johnny Carson. He was bigger than life, but stop a twenty something on the street and ask them who he was and they'll have blank stares on their faces. You can apply this to hundreds of stars and icons. Groucho Marx? Forgotten. Laurel and Hardy? Decidedly un-hip. The stars that we grew up on are fading ciphers. I hate using "back in my day" but somehow it's apropos. Nostalgia is a bowl of raisin bran watching Saturday morning cartoons. How nostalgic will we be for these times? Other than the shitstorm of news stories (Katrina, 9/11, Iraq, Afghanistan, Penn State) there's nothing to retain. Society has become disposable. We spend more time on the frivolous and less on the permanent. In past eras, Kim Kardashian would be a whisper that would occasionally show up in magazines, today she's inescapable... for no reason.

5. Memories Fade Away

It's not just short term memory where you lose your key or wander into a room and forget why you went in there in the first place (I've done that more times than I can count). It's losing moments that were near and precious to you. More stuff goes in, more stuff goes out and hopefully you don't lose the wrong memories.